Dumbest Idea Ever

• 8th February 2007 at 17:45

This has to be an entry for the Dumbest Idea Ever awards. Stop muggings by painting yellow privacy boxes in front of cashpoints. Yes, because the yellow lines on roads work so well.

I can see it now. A man stands at the edge of the yellow box while he waits for the lady in front to finish withdrawing money. Bored, he looks into the nearby shop windows, unconsciously shifting his balance. His toe edges over the line. Police rush in from all sides, batons raised, and they tackle him to the ground. Police helicopters hover overhead, police cars screech to a halt, filled with more men ready to assist. The officers scream 'Sir, stop resisting!', while beating our protagonist about the head. They drag his limp, bloodied body off to the awaiting meat wagon. Justice is served.

The mugger, meanwhile, stands outside the box waiting for the lady to finish her transaction.

But no, wait. I'm being unfair - they've done trials. Conclusive trials in Manchester, where there was a reduction of 66% of muggings at ATMs with privacy boxes, compared with a 34% reduction for those without. The mere presence of yellow boxes in the city has put the criminals off. Conclusive, eh? It must be because muggers have an innate respect for people's privacy. Or perhaps they are afraid of yellow. I don't know, but I thank god that our politicians do.

Labour government, painting over the cracks. Only this time, literally.

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