Al Qaeda Hate Sainsburys Too

• 30th September 2004 at 01:34

When I'm at home, as I was today, I usually go to Tescos to do the shopping, since it's closer. However, today I thought I'd make the minor detour to go to Sainsburys, since I wanted something in Homebase - they're on the same mini trading estate, so it made sense.

So, I got to the mini trading estate, and turned in. Imagine the layout; a short road leads to a mini roundabout. To the left is homebase, in front is Sainsburys petrol station, and to the right is Sainsburys.

Today, however, it was different. To the left was a crowd of spectators, in front was a row of cones, and to the right was a police car parked across the entrance with policemen standing around it. A nice lady from Sainsburys came up to me and informed me that Sainburys and the petrol station were closed. But that meant Homebase must have been open, so I went in, bought what I wanted, and left again. Only to find more police cars, more bits blocked off, and more spectators.

I deduced the following:

• There can't be a fire, there aren't any fire engines
• There can't be an armed hostage situation, there's no reason for the petrol station to be closed
• There must be a bomb
• Al Qaeda have realised the strategic importance of the Sevenoaks Sainsburys, and have rigged it with enough explosives to create a crater big enough to reach the petrol station and rupture its tanks, causing a massive chain reaction, making a small crater in the arse end of the town, demoralising the nation and forcing Blair to admit he sucks, meaning he will step aside for someone reasonable to run the country, like me.

In other news, there was a power cut this evening, and my server refused to come back up. However, all is now well, and I have finally set up my script to delete old spam e-mails - at 3 a minute and a spam box of over 60,000, something needed to be done. Now all old spams are trashed after 7 days.

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