The Aliens Cloned Me

• 21st May 2004 at 13:04

This morning, I woke up to find a cut between my lip and nose, with a big scab on it. There is no apparent reason for this, which can mean only one thing; aliens. Thanks to my brilliant deductive reasoning, I have pieced together the following facts:

• At some point in the past month, aliens monitoring the Earth for the perfect human specimen detected me and scheduled a DNA extraction team
• At some point between 0200 and 1000 hours on the morning of Friday 21st May 2004, an elite DNA extracting team of aliens beamed into my room
• They drugged me so that I would not wake up while they performed the procedure. This is also why I did not wake up in time for my lectures today
• They made a small incision on my face and extracted a sample of my DNA before beaming it back to their ship
• They are now in the process of cloning me, to produce an army to invade the earth
• In a couple of years time (assuming they have some kind of accelerated growth devices), aliens will land, and millions of my clones will swarm from the landing craft, armed to the teeth and intent on the destruction of mankind.
• They will get bored, descend on the nearest cybercafe and spend the rest of the day spodding, before going to WHSmiths, buying copies of Vice City and heading home
• The aliens will give up on Earth and go attack the moon people instead.

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