AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hi dad AAAAAAAAAARGH

• 31st March 2003 at 17:14

So, I almost crashed my fester again today... Went over to the other side of Sevenoaks. For those of you who didn't know, Sevenoaks is on a hill.

So, I was going down the hill when suddenly my music cut out. I thought 'goddam crappy head unit, so punched it a couple of times, which usually fixes it. However, this time, it didnt, so I thought 'bugger, this time it's proper fucked' (that's right, Tommy. Right before ze germans get them), gave up on it, and continued down the hill.

So, I was going down the hill when I noticed there was a van parked on the side of the road that I'd have to overtake. So I signalled to pull out, overtook it and continued onwards. I tried to turn the indicator off. It was then that I noticed that it hadnt ever actually turned on, and that the fan had also cut out.

So, I was going down the hill when I noticed the electrics in my car had failed.

So, I was going down the hill when I realised the brakes are hooked into the electrics, because that's the sensible kind of thing that car manufacturers do.

Now, it just so happens that my dad's office is at the bottom of the hill. This was a good coincidence. So I slewed in there, sailed past his window at 80 mph, screaming 'WHEEEEEE!' and did a perfectly executed 270 handbrake turn into a parking space and watched the Mafia's black BMWs sail past me.

Ok, that last bit didn't actually happen, but it sounds far more exciting than sensibly using the gears and engine to gradually slow myself from 40 to 5, coming to a gentle hand-brake-assisted stop outside his office, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it. They had guns and rocket launchers and stuff, because I'm involved in an international diamonds, drugs and slaves smuggling ring, and we're hoping to branch out into wedding and funeral catering soon, cos that's where the real money is.

Should have the car back soon. Anyone need a lift?

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