Not content with beating kittens, today I turned on Leela. I kicked her round the head, and although I didn't feel a thing, it hurt her so much she cried. Three hours later, she is still concussed and has a headache.

To be fair it was a complete accident. Well, more like complete incompetence on my part. She was sitting on the sofa, and I was trying to climb over the back to sit next to her. Unfortunately it didn't quite go as planned, and my shin - yes, the very same shin which almost killed a kitten - connected with the side of her head.

Sorry, Leela.

However, I have now installed Hitman Blood Money, so I shall be able to express my violent tendancies in that instead of the real world. But more about that later...