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There was a chemical fire just outside Cheltenham today - large explosions, 40ft flames and the ever-classic "stay indoors and keep [your] doors and windows shut". So, where did they send the casualties? Yup, Cheltenham General Hospital. And which newly qualified pharmacist did they send to deal with them? Yup! Although she didn't go, because she had to destroy controlled drugs instead. A state of emergency was declared (because of the fire, not because of Leela), and the A+E bays are full of special tents for the people who aren't allowed in. Exciting!

Meanwhile, in Uzeweb Central, I have mostly been writing a perl script to convert CSV files into a different format CSV file. Exciting!

Hi there kids! So, you want to learn how to play squash?

First things first - service. Hit the ball at the wall in front of you as hard as you can, then duck, and cover your head with your arms. Peek out to the side - if you see your opponent hitting the ball, you will need to take it to the next level.

Returning the ball is where things get really interesting. Wait for the ball to approach you, hit it at the wall in front of you as hard as you can, then duck and cover. If your opponent hits it back again, you will need to repeat this step - only this time try hitting it harder, and/or bouncing it off your opponent.

The person who hits the ball hardest wins the point. First person to reach 50 wins the game. Sounds easy, right? Right, but things get more complicated when the powerups come into play.

Sadly folks, that's all we've got time for today. Tune in next week when we'll explain all about the ball multiplier, the fireball powerup, and the ever-popular laser bat.